Guy walks into a bar with a black eye, teeth missing, bone visibly protruding through the skin, says:

“You should see the other guy.”

I have to confess I am talking out of my ass. Probably you can tell by lookin’ at me — I have never been in…


Playgrounds are closed. I know there are a multitude of larger worries during this pandemic—the health and safety of your family and friends, the fact that cops are STILL murdering black people in the streets. But alongside the grand tragedies playing out in front of everyone’s eyes, there are smaller…


On naming abuse and cutting toxic people from my life

Georgia O’Keeffe’s “Ballet Skirt or Electric Light” at the Art Institute of Chicago

My second favorite thing about flowers is that functionally, they’re the plant kingdom’s way of saying WHO TRYNA FUCK?

As a result, they’ve also become OUR way of saying that too. It would be really easy for me to…


Please answer each question as best you can. Answer TRUE if it is true or at least moderately true of your child. Answer FALSE if it has not been very true of your child.

My child…

…complains about scratchy clothing, seams in socks, or labels against his or her skin.


Why Movies About Music Transcend Their Tropes And Also Totally Rule

Rose-Lynn Harlan (Jessie Buckley) at the Ryman. Courtesy of NEON.

Our hero approaches the microphone tentatively, almost timidly, gazing out over the audience. In that crowd sits everyone our hero has ever known. …


Childhood, Nostalgia, and my last Halloween at home

The author (center), Roseville, MI, October 31, 1990

Those among us who have crossed state lines dressed as Beetlejuice know that change comes at you fast.

One day you’re putting on a black and white striped suit similar to the one Michael Keaton wore in the 1988 Geffen Company film Beetlejuice and applying corpse paint to your face…


Wherein I try to explain what my damn deal is with listening to Carly Rae Jepsen

The first time I got excited about a record, I was six years old. My dad came home one day and told me he had something special — and he said this while holding both his arms behind his back, which is like the universal signal to little kids that…


Untitled (T. 6), Double Flower, 1953 by Yayoi Kusama

I’ll spare you all what it’s like to give a semen sample. All of those stories are the same: “I got to go into a room in a doctor’s office and jerk off! And it was weird but also awesome. But weird. But awesome.” I’ll try to tell you the…


I was going to start this with a self-deprecating admission: my first Sunny Day Real Estate album was “How It Feels To Be Something On.” But really, only bonehead music geeks care about that kind of thing. Point is, I arrived late to that band, but I really really…


Routines are important. Before the responsibilities of having a family took over, here was one of mine: each weekend, I’d jump in my car and hit two or three record stores, usually starting with Wuxtry in Decatur, then heading to Decatur CD and then Criminal and Wax ’n’ Facts…

Myke Johns

An Atlanta-based writer, musician, and podcast producer. mykejohns.com

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